Solitude. Do you get enough of it? I have to wrestle with my life to get enough solitude. If you are a mom, and it’s summertime, you are at risk for solitude deficiency. Talk to your spouse and parents about how to get more. )

Seriously, summer is fun, but do you know any moms of younger children who are not a little twisted and frazzled by now? The unrelenting SUMMER FUN can be exhausting. We WERE looking forward to it in the throes of that intense winter, but now we’re looking forward to school starting so that we can have two minutes to sit and ignore the to-do list, have a cup of tea and stare out the window. I’m here to say that that is important to do NOW.

Before becoming a parent, it isn’t possible to know how intensely your life will change. (This is an evolutionary sleight of hand to keep the species going, I’m sure of it!) For instance, I had no idea that motherhood would mean that I wouldn’t get to be alone EVER for the next 18 months and then only briefly and sporadically thereafter. Enough to make you wiggy, really. Correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re not a parent, or a parent that goes to work 9 to 5, you’re not really picking up what I’m laying down.

My theory is that becoming a mother is a really hard transition for any woman, but that it is ever so slightly harder for those of us who are introverts. Introverts have a higher need to be alone to recharge the batteries. But EVERYONE has that need. Perhaps extroverts need it more acutely and introverts need more minutes and hours of it. It’s vitamin S, and if you don’t get it, you can be short-tempered and get easily drained by normal everyday interactions with people.

You know you are Vitamin S deficient if you actually dread going to public places in our small town because you know you will meet someone you know (and like) and have to talk with them about …anything. Or you let the answering machine answer the phone…every single time. Or you plot your life so that that BBQ you know your going to is the only social thing on your calendar for the week. Or you insist on TRYING to read a book, even though you know full well your kids won’t let you finish a paragraph. Ring any bells? Girl, you need to get away. If you are a man and the primary parent, YOU know where I’m coming from too.

If you’re an introvert in an extrovert’s job, you probably have a pretty mellow social life. If you are an extrovert crunching numbers in a back room somewhere, you are probably going out on the town 5 nights a week. One of the keys to good health is having a life that honors your natural disposition. Your constitution. This is true mentally, emotionally, socially and physically.

But, OK, the reality of being a parent is that you often just don’t get what you need. You are sacrificing so that your little buddies are getting what they need. It’s a noble thing. But in the end, one of the things they need the most is to have parental role-models who are clear about their needs and can make specific requests to get those needs met. Chances are most of our role models didn’t quite know how to do that and sacrificed until resentment built up until BLAMO! Resentment is an email from our life to take action. It’s telling us we didn’t ask for something we should have asked for. Since I am the template by which my son will choose a mate later in life, I see it as a high priority to model a strong woman with clear boundaries. However I behave is like tacitly making a wish for the kind of daughter in law I will get.

So day dream for a moment: what would your 36 hour dream solitude look like? A local B&B? Here’s a great one. A night in a hotel down in Portland or Boston with a nice solo meal and a leisurely stroll through an art museum? A camping trip? An overnight on Monhegan or Vinalhaven Islands? A seaside cottage somewhere with a stack of books? Dream a little. Then build a plan and ask your support system to let you get away.

Here’s what I did last weekend that replenished my Vitamin S: I called the Bar Harbor Hostel and asked last minute if they had any space. I booked their last bunk in the women’s dorm (only 25 bucks!) Then I drove up there on Saturday morning with my bike (I love my bike) and found a place to park in the shade. I went to the Native American Festival they were having at College of the Atlantic that day (a whim that I could never have fulfilled if my adored family had been with me.) I attended a lecture on native herbalism, then watched some drumming and dancing. Then I meandered into town and read a book for a while in the town square, sitting in my camping chair. I bought a $5 Acadia National Park pass to get my bike and me into the park, then took one of the free bike shuttles they have to drive visitors into the park. I rode around Eagle Lake on the carriage trails, came back to town and took myself out to dinner. With a book. Loved it. The next morning, I rode some carriage trails again (they are stunning) and then meandered home in the early afternoon. 36 hours of solitary bliss, it was. Affordable and do-able at the very last minute. I highly recommend it.

If your nutrients are depleted, you take vitamins and eat well to redress the imbalance. If you are lacking Vitamin S– you know who you are– what’s your plan?

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