On the eve of this holiday, I have been trying to teach my son that Christmas is about giving and about feeling and expressing gratitude. Of course, he’s five, so it’s mostly countdown to presents, but we’ve created some cool Christmas cheer, too. Check out this collage he put together to be our Christmas card.

Holidays are hard, eh? It’s hard to keep your equilibrium with all the extra parties and the entire part-time job that preparing for the holidays entails. What if you have extra stress happening at the same time? I’m not going to pretend I’m anywhere close to on top of my life. I’m so not!

As a matter of fact, I’m going through a “relationship transition” and moving house. I’m racking up some points on the “life stress scale.”

Interestingly enough, though, I feel great physically. One of the side benefits of having increased stress is that I’ve gotten addicted to running again in the last few months. I’m also eating really well and my sleeping pattern goes like this; For 2 or 3 days, I sleep six hours, wake up rested and bound out of bed to get to work. Then, I get really tired and sleep hard for 10 hours. (Then, sometimes, I fall asleep with my son at 8:30 and then am WIDE AWAKE til midnight…)

All I can say is, I’m psyched to be addicted to things like vegetables and exercise rather than sugar and alcohol. It wasn’t always this way.

I had this bad habit of eating entire boxes of cereal when I got stressed out in my 20s. Then occassionally I’d put new holes in my own body (ear, nose, eyebrow.) Sometimes it was a response to stress, sometimes it was simple reckless self-destructiveness.

I don’t recall a point at which I consciously decided to get addicted to positive, life-affirming things, but I did. I had both options around me of course. I even TRIED to learn to smoke, because all my friends did! (And still do! You know who you are!)  I sort of found a common ground between reckless self-destruction and life-affirmation with my reckless, life-affirming trip around the world. Slowly I was just steadily drawn to whatever forced me to grow. (Sometimes that feels good, but a lot of times it doesn’t!)

I found that growth often calls for a good habit that will neutralize a bad habit. Exercise, for example, was my antidote to bulemia in my early 20s because it gave me a sense of empowerment. Whole food neutralized my out-of-control sugar addiction. Right now running is neutralizing my stress and a regular spiritual practice is grounding me when I feel like a small bird caught in an upward-rising thermal.

The older I get (I’ll be 40 in 2010!) the more I’m leaning towards the light. I am really feeling the value of being “addicted” to habits that keep me rested and vibrant and clear during this major life transition.

My wish for all who lay eyes on these words is peace. Peace of mind and gentleness with yourself wherever you are in your life. May your holiday be full of restorative rest and overflowing joy.

Holly

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